One of the recurring questions in cross cultural negotiation is whether there are certain approaches that transcend cultures and can be used universally. The research on reciprocity, for example, indicates that it is universally understood and used. Apology is another one. The rituals surrounding apology may differ, but it seems we all understand its importance and value.
There is a very touching example of this universal understanding of the value of apology coming from Libya. On Tuesday, the United States Ambassador to Libya, Christopher Stevens, and three other Americans were killed when the U.S. Embassy was attacked. This photo from Libya says it all:
For more photos from a demonstration of Libyans reacting to
the attack in Libya see: here
Let’s cut to the chase. There is only one kind of apology. A feeling that a wrong has been done then followed by sincere contrition. Key word here is “feeling”. “Official apology” is at best an oxymoron. Since when has anything “official” had true sentiment behind it? “Official” statements are more a matter of eloquence than anything else.
I agree that it is the people on the street that make it meaningful.
There are also different types of apology – pro-forma, one-time interaction, or heart felt. The protesters in your post (and the attached link) are heart-felt repudiating the thugs who stormed the consulate and killed Ambassador Stevens and his colleagues. That is the most powerful type of apology, an attempt to build a bridge of common cause, and continue the constructive conversation that we hope will be the lasting legacy of the Ambassador Stevens and his colleagues.
In that respect, Kendall, I think that apologies have power even if not given by the “right party” – who is the right party in this case? I’m sure the Govt has officially apologized, but it is the folks on the street who are making that apology mean something.
I agree with you. Of course, an apology only goes as far as the odds of the other party accepting it, and whether the correct party issuing the apology. While it can ease the mind of the giver, if the receiver does not accept it then unfortunately the dispute continues.
I hope election politics do not trump common sense in this scenario and cause the apology to get overlooked in lieu of escalated conflict and the loss of innocent lives simply to reflect a spirit of vengeance and/or excessively hard bargaining.