Like so many people around the world, I have spent the last several days watching in horror the pictures and images from Japan.  And, like so many people around the world I have worried about the safety of those I care about.  After two days of no news, I connected with a dear friend via Facebook.  Yet another example of how we are all using social media (even those of us who hate it).  Fortunately, my friend, her husband, and two young sons live north of where the tsunami hit.  They are safe, although they are enduring the hardships of electrical shortages in cold weather, worry about radiation exposure, the trauma of the powerful earthquake and its aftershocks, and the devastating images of the tsunami.  

Often in my negotiation classes when I talk about apology I use examples from Japan.  It is a culture that seems to delight in apologizing about everything, all the time. And, sometimes the apologies seem to carry no more meaning than when we Americans ask “how are you?”  We all know better than to really answer that question.  My favorite example of apology in Japan is the various ways to say goodbye.  Apparently when a person leaves their job, the proper way to say goodbye to their workmates is something like “I am sorry I am leaving earlier than you.”  This is the way to say goodbye regardless of how late it is and whether the person leaving is the slightest bit sorry. 

I was reminded of this when my friend posted on Facebook two days after the earthquake that she was “sorry to reply so late, I know you must have been worried so much.”  Of course there was nothing to apologize for.  She is busy, as so many Japanese are, making sure the basics of life are sorted out for her family.  She is busy trying to keep some sense of normalcy for her young sons in the midst of the fear and worry.  And yet she apologizes.  Or perhaps in the midst of all this it is even more important to hold onto the basics, like the value of an apology.  Being a typical American, I sent back a funny video (it always helps to laugh….). 

As I see the trauma that so many Japanese are enduring, I share the feeling with many around the world in wishing there was something we could do to help relieve the pain and suffering.  But, for now, I find there is little to do other than send messages and funny videos and watch how this society is dealing with one of the worst and most unimaginable tragedies.  For an interesting view on that, see Nicholas Kristof’s piece from the New York Times: http://kristof.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/11/sympathy-for-japan-and-admiration/?scp=3&sq=nicholas%20d.%20kristof&st=cse